THE QUEEN OF THE COVERT NARCISSISTS
LOVE BOMBING,
BRAINWASHING BLISS!
By Peter Smith
08/24/2023
I really don’t like that phrase, it sounds like something everybody would want. Ya give me some of that! You might describe it as the best feeling you have ever known, the best you can ever remember being. Possibly even the most happy you have felt in a relationship. You just want to keep that flow going and you will do what you need to just to get some more. All the same stages of heroin addiction!
Your first few times made you feel a way you had never before. You want more , keep it coming, you go looking for it, you sacrifice other things for it and you’re hooked. You need it now, you’re not the same without it, you just want to feel good again and the periods in between your a wreck. You have changed and you think of nothing else and it’s taking you down.
The parallels line up don’t they? Both are addictions, both will harm you and both require recovery and rehab.
How do they do it, what’s wrong with love bombing if it feels good? It can destroy you is what’s wrong. The skills that a true narcissist possesses with getting into your head and figuring out what they think, you think is the perfect person. All the questions they ask are disguised in a way that seems like genuine interest. They are also hunting for any snippets from your past they can use against you later. The more they learn the more they can use their extraordinary skills and not just become that person for you, but worse than that. Over time as they declare your soulmates and how they wish they had met you long ago, they love the same foods as you, their favorite songs are your favorite songs etc. What makes it all work is how they make you feel about yourself, they have caused you to believe you are twice as good as you really are. Finally somebody who understands, who gets you and thinks your fucking perfect! Always complimenting and juicing your ego. You feel the very best you can feel around them and life is sweet. You have been led down a path where you believe every word, why wouldn’t you, of course you are that good, they showed you, recognized you, wanted you and feel the same as you, so you think.
You have been brought to a place where you are high on you and everything feels good. Once their considerable skills have brought you as far as they are capable, you’re at the top of the mountain higher than ever before, man it’s a long way down. That’s when the tide changes and you get your first few tastes of, what the fuck was that and what have I done wrong? The downward spiral picks up speed and you just want to fix things and you think you have, yet out of nowhere comes another full on attack in which you are to blame and will suffer the consequences. It must be you right? How can you save things as all you want is what you had and you just want some more of that and they give you ever dwindling chunks of what you knew just to give you hope. You want to fix it, that’s what you do but that puts you on the subservient side trying not to rock the boat because you just want to get high so you don’t fight back and then they own your ass! You are bound by your addiction to the imaginary you. You may not even like them anymore but you’re still searching to feel that way again. You have now descended from the highest high, the garden of Eden to the gutter. You can’t stop looking for it, to be saved, then your brain reluctantly starts to connect the dots which scares the fucking hell out of you and you retreat to some stage of denial. Over time your brain will slowly connect the dots in a way you can handle, barely. It’s still the hardest thing you have ever known. Hopefully you begin to figure out what you thought you needed and wanted so badly was to be that person that they made you think you were. They made you twice as good as you actually are, who wants to face that fact? Until you realize not only that but you are now half the person you were before you met them. It’s not them you want (except for the sex) you want to be that person again, that’s the addiction (and the sex) that’s the feeling you’re chasing. Whatever the batch of chemicals your brain feeds you in those moments when you’re higher than a kite, you need more! Your brain is doing everything it can think of to get some more of that, please can I have some more? It is not the loss of them in the end it’s the loss of self.
The sadistic mindset and cruelty involved here must be faced . Grasping the fact they don’t love you or even care about you, they never did. It’s not easy but it’s not you it’s who they are, they all play out of the same playbook. Coming to terms with the big con and learning everything you thought real was actually manufactured, put in your head giving a completely false feeling of satisfaction. Put there, made as big as possible thus giving maximum pleasure to the sadistic Narc as they in their practiced ways slowly tear you apart limb by limb.
You absolutely must come to see these truths to have any real hope of recovery. Think about those assholes that didn’t have the power to escape and remain hooked on the Narcs line to be retrieved and tortured at will.
Being with a true Narcissist is like catching a terrible disease that leaves behind its effects of which it is up to you to properly recover from and minimize the after effects of the brain damage causing trauma. They will never fully dispose of you as long as you remain a reliable source of supply which at this point is watching you suffer. They get adequate supply on the way up the mountain but they really start licking their chops at the thought of dismantling you in any and every way they can think of. Throughout this torturous time somehow they manage to occupy the role of victim and somehow you are the instigator of all things bad. Fucking brilliant strategy to simply crucify someone for sport and pleasure! Which is another element difficult to account for. No end game for them except for the pure glee they just roll around in as they so skillfully cause you more hurt than you have ever known. Left for dead in the gutter. Face it down and learn about who they really are. They are fucking Zombies, the more you know the better. You will end up almost but not quite feeling sorry for them. Can you just imagine knowing nothing other than the need for supply, which is their addiction, what they gave you a taste of and which they will not ever recover from, but you can, you must.
Here is something I learned when it was too late for me that would have been very effective.
Understand they are smearing you to others working on that victim status thing they love and need and when things get ugly do not underestimate them. You can not compete with their particular brand of evil and they will continue to try and take you down even after you have left. The Narc is afraid of two things and only two things. The first is loss of supply with no replacement in sight, which by the way is why they strategize long term, manipulating things to occur at another time. The second one is exposure to their circle and the public demonstrating who they really are. Being embarrassed or thinking of others not speaking well of them freaks them out. When you try to explain what happened to you to your family and friends you quickly learn how hard that is to do and those closest to you might even side with the Narc who may have communicated with them already about what’s wrong with you.
Do this. Download on to your phone the recording app which allows you to record audio without your phone looking like it’s doing something. The next time you feel a narcissistic rage coming on, start recording. We all know what those rages are like when they revert to the 10 year old evil being ( I named mine Jezebel) where they will totally reveal themselves in ways that others wouldn’t believe if described to them. By building up a little library you have effectively transferred all the power from them to you as they will do anything to prevent that kind of exposure. Make sure you copy it and play back for them a sample. Even they will be surprised because they won’t have remembered it that way.
Be careful, be strong, stick to the high ground.
Peter Smith
